Thursday, April 06, 2006

Springing through the firsts

It rained here yesterday, the first time since Bug passed. The sounds of the water hitting the glass pane of my windows was melodic; soothing. I wondered, as I sat there watching the water drip down the window, if it really is tears from heaven, like I used to tell my kids.

I have been grieving hard these past few days. Spring has sprung and with it brings a whole new set of firsts to deal with. The first time I go down to the garden, sit in the swing, go for a walk. I haven't done any of this without my boy and I am not looking forward to the rush of emotion when I do decide to tackle these firsts. Funny, my property spans more than 20 acres and I have used less than .1 of them since Shalebug died. It didn't occur to me to leave the house. God knows how long it took me finally feel comfortable in my home with the gaping hole Bug's abscence created. I never thought I wouldn't love my yard anymore.

So, as I have learned, I will soldier on. Trudge through these firsts, face my fire-breathing dragon. Time will numb this too. And I hope I will be able to push past the pain and rediscover the joy of my yard and remember sweet memories of Shalebug and butterflies.