Friday, March 17, 2006

Losing my grip....

I'm annoyed right now. However, that is not saying much. I annoy easily since October. So I blog here for an outlet. So I don't drive away my husband and send my children into dark corners, rocking back and forth in silence, scared for their lives. Blogging has helped me cope with some serious threats to my mental health. Blogging has helped me preserve my memories of my son, the Bug. But now, blogging has turned on me, and is driving me mad.

You see, I tried to post on my Redneckmommy blog, and I can't. Apparently, Blogger is picking on me and several hundred more like me. We have been forbidden access to our server because of an internal filing issue. Blogger says they are trying to correct it. They haven't yet. My blood pressure is rising.

It's the little things that seem insurmountable right now. As if everything in life is out of control. I recognize this and understand that I am having issues with coping. And don't worry dear internet, I am seeking help. (The real kind, not the blogging with a tequila in one hand kind.) On Monday, if I survive the madness of blogger booboos and a looming family get-together on Sunday.

Which, I suppose is the root of my anxiety, right now. I am nauseated by the thought of being surrounded by my whole family. Aunts, uncles, cousins. Hasn't happened since THE funeral. Several of them never met my son, were disgusted by the fact I "diluted" the gene pool. And yes, dear internet, they actually said this. Yet, when Shalebug passed away, they showed up in droves to support me.

Where were they when he was alive?

So you see, dear internet, trying times abound for me. And without my blogging fix, you just might read about the grieving mother who finally lost it and shoved the family ham up her uncle's arse...