Haunted by What if's

I mentioned earlier my son, the Shalebug passed away suddenly. When a child dies it shatters you. When a child dies suddenly and with no warning it destroys you. We were bombarded by grief, guilt and disbelief in one blink of an eye. And as we learned to deal with our new reality, we had to struggle with the burden of guilt, and battle the "What if's."

You know the "What if's." What if we took him to the hospital earlier. What if we drove faster. What if we did something, anything different. What if I prayed harder, more sincerely, etc... The What if's are what haunts you.

I haven't gone in to what happened that night. It is still too scary for me. Too painful. He died a natural, sudden death. The coroner just yesterday closed the case finally, and apologized for not being able to figure out why he died. One day, soon I hope, I will tell you, dear internet, all about that fateful night.

I was inspired to blog because of this site.

His pain haunts me, reminds me of my own. I grieve for that family's loss, as well as my own.

I blog here because I need to heal. And maybe through my story, my words, I will help my family and me heal. As well as anyone who wants to come along for the ride.